Later this week (March 30, 2022) is Bipolar Awareness Day according to the International Bipolar Foundation anyway. With this in mind I thought I would share some of my experiences with this disorder.
I have what’s called Bipolar II which is a form of Bipolar Disorder but with less severe mania events. My experience has been that Bipolar depression episodes happen FAR more frequently than mania. But a form of mania, called hypomania, happens with Bipolar II from time to time. I’ve read, however, that depressive episodes occur at a rate of 40:1 with type two. This definitely fits my experience as I have depressive episodes pretty frequently even though I am medicated to help guard against them.
What does Bipolar look like with me?
I posted this graphic a few years ago on Facebook both in explaining my experience but also to help raise awareness of what to look for in others with Bipolar to spot potential episodes. I have experienced mania which sounds fun but really isn’t. It expresses itself with me like a lot of the items on the left: Vulgar language, grandiosity, hyperactive, inappropriate behavior, etc. I’ve been very lucky that my manic episodes haven’t ruined my financially with the excessive spending that tends to come with it. It has destroyed many relationships, however.
JD
I had developed almost a different persona when I was playing music in bands coupled with manic episodes. “JD” was bigger than life, the fun, party guy, spent money like he had it, and probably flirted and said inappropriate things to your wife or girlfriend. Hence the destroyed relationships I mentioned. I lost some of who I thought were my best friends because of this behavior. I talk about JD in the third person because it very much felt like a completely different personality than who Jeremy really is.
Fortunately over the years I have settled into the right cocktail of medication that has definitely help curb the manic or hypomanic events in my life. Medication doesn’t do as good of a job in keeping depression away unfortunately. I experience this quite regularly and have to fight through it just to be productive and healthy. It is a battle which comes at a cost as well. My experience has been that this cost is far less destructive than mania though.
Suicidal Ideation
This is the scariest part of my Bipolar depression. I’m not exaggerating when I say that my thoughts become pre-occupied by thoughts of dying. I never want to hurt myself and don’t make any plans or buy any implements for such a thing but the thoughts of inadequacy and just wanting the pain to stop are overwhelming. This leads me to sleep a lot and miss out on life.
If you or someone you know is struggling with thoughts of suicide, I encourage you to seek help.
Suicide Help: (800) 273-8255
or visit www.suicidepreventionlifeline.orgFor a list of international hotlines see
www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html
Be well, friends. Drop me a note or leave a comment if you or someone you know is struggling. I would be happy to talk with you to try to be of some help.
Jeremy is my son-a strong and courageous man who I’m extremely proud of. I remember growing up and seeing young people who were really different than me. They were shunned by the “popular kids” and sometimes even made fun of. I didn’t make fun, I just avoided and/or ignored them. My life was doing just fine, so why trouble myself with what others may be going through.
Thankfully, I didn’t stay so shallow and uninformed. Mental health, in all its complexities came into my life when I married Jeremy’s mother. She, and others in her family worked at a State Mental Hospital. They cared for, and about those having serious mental conditions–many of which I still don’t really understand. What’s my point? It’s simply to say that ignorance isn’t bliss, it’s just lazy and uninformed. Let me repeat how proud I am of Jeremy for helping bring awareness to the issues of bipolar depression, and how they affect his world. I’m very thankful for the science behind creating medication to help those dealing with bipolar depression.
Lastly, a word of encouragement for us all–become informed, become understanding, care enough to not be someone who ignores or avoids–be more like Jeremy.
Thanks for the comment and for the honesty, Dad. I know mental health awareness wasn’t as much of a thing when you were a kid, but I’m glad it is becoming something of note now. Kudos for recognizing your own need to become more aware and educated on the topic. I think doing so helps in how we interact with one another on this ever-shrinking planet.