Jeremy's World

My band is auditioning guitar players to add to our lineup. To do so, we placed ads in the usual places, once of which is Raleigh Music.com. This is the site I originally used when I found Rob and Jonny for the original lineup. Anyway, the ad said:

Established Rock Cover Band Seeks Additional Guitar Player

Aftershock is looking to enhance our sound by adding a new/additional guitar player to our established lineup. We are a rock cover band, lots of 80’s rock with other party favorites being added to appeal to the local bar/club scene. We play out a couple times a month and are working to expand our rotation to include the downtown Raleigh clubs also. We practice a few times a month and have practice space.

We’re looking for someone with solid chops and the ability and desire to play both rhythm and split lead duties. We’re not looking for note-by-note solo copies, but hitting signature riffs is a must. Professional gear and attitude are musts. We’re not in this for the money. We do this for fun. No drugs or drama.

Simple, right? We had a few responses, and Rob was responsible for replying and setting up auditions for those who seemed “cool” on the phone. One guy, whose name I’ll omit, jerked Rob around by selling himself highly, pointing us to his MySpace page where he had samples of his guitar masturbation songs and basically told us, “If you heard me, you would add me to your band because I would make you great.” And the funniest part…His picture actually had an MS Paint edited version where he sloppily put black splotches on his head to cover his bald spots. Hilarious.

Yeah…Not even worth an audition. But here’s the REALLY funny part…

He decides to reply. His message is as follows:

Rob,

Thanks for your initial time, but after reviewing your data and then talking to someone who knows your group personally, I have decided not to pursue an audition with your group at this time. For me, doing “big hair” music is a long ago memory and I just can’t stand distortion on Guitars anymore.

You don’t rehearse enough to get past where you are and I am veteran of the “Raleigh Music Scene”, and there isn’t one. There are numerous articles written about this and if you and your mates had the time to seek out this data, you would see that in the last 3 years, the competitive nature of that arena has become quite high and the opportunities are limited for a genre’ that never held much market share.

I am a degreed professional and I actually did research and wrote a business plan for what I am doing. I would be willing to share any of the data that I collected in an effort to help you get the success that you are looking for. I think that ALL real musicians should help each other, and for me having been at this for quite sometime, I hope that any suggestions or advice that I offer would aid you and your group in it’s endeavors.

I.E., perhaps it was deliberate, but what you say in your ads is contradictory. One of the first things anyone learns around here, is to never believe what people say on the websites. Demo cuts are different, the music speaks the words. These items also directly conflict with the photographs that you have on your web pages.

If you do your research you would realize that there are very limited venue’s in the “downtown” Raleigh area for big hair music. There are a plethora of opportunities in the Chapel Thrill, and Durham areas for your type of music. I highly suggest that you focus on those venues that provide outlets for Big Hair music on a continuing basis.

Once again, I thank you for your time, and I wish you well. Should you wish any of the data, please, feel free to respond to this, and I would be willing to just give it to you in an effort to enhance your chances for success. No hard feelings, and have a Happy Thanksgiving.

Respectfully,

[name removed to protect the schmuck, I guess]

Now, I know there is a subculture on Raleigh Music of people who think they are God’s gift to the Raleigh music scene. But this has to be the most dramatic example of self-love I’ve ever seen on there. Clearly he’s a guitar player.  Why would he even bother to contact us in the first place?

I wish him all the best enjoying playing on MySpace in his mom’s basement while being too good to even be in a band.